My Miracle Worker!

O.k. maybe that is going to far to call him a miracle worker but I sure do think he is the best. I had a Dr. appointment with Dr. Kris today. So again this visit my back and neck were out and he fixed that for me. He doesn't adjust me he just tries to work it back into place. The visit went really well. We talked about why my numbers went up or why they might be going up. I needed some emotional work done that was preventing the chemo and vitiams from working. I don't really want to go into much because it involves other people. But the wonderful thing is that it is all cleared up and so the vitamins and chemo should be working well this round. I think all things will work out well in the end. I have an appointment to see Dr. Kris on the 18th possibly the 15th (Firday before). Dr. Kris will have the CAT scan results and the CA 27 29 counts. So at least by then I will know the result. So I don't have to wait because Dr. Rado is out of town the week after the CAT scan. And I don't see him until the 25th. That just seems to long to wait.

We watched one of the best movies this week it was called The Ultimate Gift. Has anyone else seen this movie? If you have I would love to hear what you think? O.k. movie queen have you seen this movie tell me what you think? I think it is one of the best movies I have seen in a long time. My mother in law took me to see MAD MONEY. I really enjoyed this movie I laughed through most of the movie.

Numbers are in!!

O.k. so I had a doctor visit yesterday with Mitra. And I wasn't sure about how to update this information. There is a lot so hang with me while I go over all of it.

When I went in yesterday I couldn't wait for Mitra to come in and tell me my number so I had the nurse look it up and tell me. I should have know from the last time she told me that I should wait for the doctor so they can go over the numbers with me but I didn't. So the number is 66. Yes, you are reading it right 66 my number went up. So it looks like Amy Cooper(Ayers) got the closed guess with 59. I think that is right. Look for your surprise in the mail. Anyway back to the visit I had to sit and stew about that number while I waited for Mitra. Not a good idea. So we went over three different things that my number could mean or that will happen next. For sure I will do this next round of chemo round 6. I started that today.

1. The first thing that this number could mean is that 60's is my normal and that I am bouncing around in the 60's. And that the last two round of chemo where giving and I was already normal. *Which would mean I am done with chemo after this round and no radiation. I would just be on Herceptin and some sort of mega dose of arthritis medicine also giving in the IV like Herceptin. So I would get Herceptin once every other week and the other drug once a month. And of course scan every so often. This is what we are praying for.

2. After this round if my number stays the same and the CAT Scan shows cancer. (Yes, I said CAT scan) They said CAT scan because a PET scan you have to wait until 6 weeks after you last procret shot. Or the test will ready false positive for Cancer. Anyway if the CA 27 19 reads the same or higher and the CAT Scan shows cancer. Then they will switch chemo drugs and try again to get ready of the rest of the caner.

3. If the number drops and shows Cancer then they will leave me on this chemo and do some more rounds of chemo.

I think once they think it is all gone they will wait the six weeks and do the PET scan.

So again here we are hurrying to wait. It is a waiting game again on the scan. I am not looking forward to the scan because I get to drink they really yummy berry milk drink that makes me sick. I am excited to get the scan for the results and the scan last 2 minutes so that is not bad.

I also asked her when I could schedule my vacation. I want to know how long before I could be back to regular activities once chemo was over. She told me as bad as you had it in your bones you probably wont be able to do certain activities. She said we my not even get all the cancer off your bones. She said nothing that is jarring on your back. She told me even with the medicine and regrowth my bones will never be the same. SO I was also bummed to hear that it probably wont just be one year off the tub it will probably be for life. Along with things like skiing water and snow and a few other things. If that doesn't make you feel old!! I have to remember that it is o.k. I am still hear to see my children grow up I just can't do everything I would like to. And you never know miracles can happen and my bones may return to normal!

Today I woke up and I looked at Kamden and she had pink eye. So this morning I took her over to Kenia Clinic and get her checked out and a prescription. The doctor told me she heard a heart murmur and then left it at that. So when I got home and remember that she had said that I was like o.k. do I need to have it check out or is that normal when they are sick? So I guess we will have to take Kamden in sometime and have a doctor check her out. Anyway that was such a nice surprise before Chemo this morning. I was reminded by my husband this week that the blessing said that I wouldn't get sick not that the kids wouldn't get sick. So I guess they get double this winter because I am not getting sick.

SnowDay!

New and Exciting Websites for those with their heads in the Sand!

O.k. this isn't a cancer update but I didn't want to tell you all something. Thanks Kim Meyers for the very cool website of background wall paper. I have been looking for a website for a long time that had different wall paper. I am not very good with searching the Internet I guess because I couldn't find a website. I was on her blog the other day and it had a link to the coolest website full of background for blogs. So thank you I wanted to change it everyday. I think there is enough background options to do that. So figure give me if I am always changing. I love all the variety. If you are looking for different background for your blog the link is at the top of my blog.

And also thank you Alica. I got on your blog the other day which I haven't been on any one's blog in a long time and anyways I was and was reading Alica blog. She told me to get my head out of the sand. I am one of those that had not heard of Google reader. So I thought this Google reader sounded like just what I needed. So I went to www.googlereader to check it out. It took me a while to figure it out but oh I love it. It updates you when anyone on your list updates their blog. So you don't have to go to each website. I like Alica thinks this makes life so much easier. I can actually check to see what people are up to more often. So THANK YOU to you both.

During Thanksgiving my sister introduced my to stat counter that also has been fun. I can see how many people visit my blog each day. That has been fun to watch. So thank you to Bailey.

So I hope I am not the only one out there who hadn't heard of this websites.

Crop For Her Cure 2007 Nov

Thank you Danielle for taking all the pictures at the fund raiser. These are pictures at the Crop for her Cure that some friends put on. Thanks again to everyone who helped with this fund raiser and to all who donated items. And I can't forget all those who came and supported the fund raiser thank you.

Long over due update

So I have missed hearing from everyone so I guess that means I need to post so I can hear from some people. I have had a few emails asking if I was o.k. I am o.k. I have just been tired at night and not getting on the computer. So I guess it is time for an update.

Last Thursday I had an appointment with Dr. Kris. As I told you I had a few question for him. I told him I was worried about being pregnant. I didn't have my period on the 10th and I was worried. I wasn't sure if it was menopause or pregnancy. So I came home and bought a test and I am not pregnant probably just going through menopause. I asked him about that. He said the chemo damages your ovaries it is possible that maybe after chemo things will go back to normal. But there is a better possibility that my ovaries are very damaged from the chemo. So this last week Ryan has informed me what a crab I have been. So I am not sure if it has anything to do with the menopause's or not. I hope in a way it is because then that explains my crabbiness. Then in another way I hope it is not because I really don't want to be going through this at 32. I also feel really bad for Ryan and my kids if I am. So again I guess a waiting game to see if it is menopause or not.

Another question I had for him was I have been having headaches but it didn't really feel like my back was out? So we tested it and it is a tension headache. So he worked on that. Then we had to find out why I had a tension headache. It was due to the last time I was in to see him and he told me about my swollen lymph nodes. I have been very worried it is the cancer returning and not because I was sick. He apologized for that and said he should have checked that before I left last time. Anyway he took care of that and we figured out that I have been mad or upset with Doctor Rado. Why, because I felt like he didn't have time for me and to answer all my question or take the time to figure out different things that have been wrong. So we worked on that. We checked my lymph nodes and it looks like it is just my body cleaning up the dead cancer.

We talked about my lymph nodes a little more. We talked about the counts and that if my counts go up that means the cancer is coming back. If my numbers stay the same or they only go down a little that doesn't mean the cancer is coming back. So that was really good news. I was really worried because they didn't drop very much that the cancer maybe coming back. He said no it went down 20% that is great. Well when he put it that way that is good. 20% I hadn't looked at it like that. It just didn't seemed to go down much but 20% that is great!

I think that is about it for that visit it has been almost a week so I think that was it.

Friday my sister Kendall came over to visit with her twins. She hang out for a little bit. We hadn't seen them in almost two weeks. Tristen had a cough that didn't sound good. On Monday Kendall took Tristen to the ER at Kennewick General. They admitted him in Monday night. She has been staying there with him he has RSV. For the first almost 24 hours they had him in a helmet or bubble thing on his head. Giving him oxygen. He seems to be doing better but he won't be able to come home at least until Friday night or Saturday morning. So my sister Bailey form Cedar City flew in today to help Kendall out. She went and stayed at the hospital today so Kendall could go home and shower and see Gavin. His dad has been keeping him. Gavin doesn't have RSV he has a bronchial infection or something but not RSV. He is on a nebulizer. He is bigger than Tristen I am sure that helped him.

Saturday Cole had his first basketball game. He had such a good time and loves that he knows a few of the kids on his team. Every sport he plays he loves. He has been sick with a fever since Sunday and had to miss practice on Tuesday he was really bummed out. Ryan said some of the kids really missed him. He also missed tryouts for the talent show at school. He was excited when the sec. at school said he could try out on Friday. He is hoping he feels better by then. Last Friday Cole had a 3rd grade school program for Martin Luther King. All the kids did such a good job. Cole has been so excited about it. He even sang all the songs. For Cole that is so good. For the primary program at Church he wont sing so for him to sing all the songs that is really good. he didn't look excited but he was excited and did well.

Saturday Ryan and I went to Nancy my chemo nurses wedding. We had a good time. We were a little late and had to sit in the over flow at the church. Which we quickly found out was in the front on the side. So we had to walk clear to the front and then to the side. We saw a lot of nurses and Dr. Rado and Mitra there. I didn't see any patients I knew? We also went to the reception. We had a good time visiting with Kris and Connie and a few of the other nurses we knew. We stayed for the cake which took them almost an hour and a half to cut. That was o.k. it was worth the wait. The cakes were done by dessert by kelly. There were four different kinds. Ryan and I tried them all. They run out of cake but still had two salmons left. I guess the cake was a bigger hit than the salmon. Nancy look beautiful and very happy. Her dress was beautiful very simple.

This week I have been very tired by the afternoons so I have been trying to just hang out at home. It has been to cold for Ryan to work so far this week. When the ground freezes he doesn't work and that doesn't happen to much around hear. It has been nice having him home this week.

On Monday we went and saw Enchanted. Can I saw I have heard a few people say this was such a cute movie. I thought it was cute too but that is not how I would describe this movie. I would describe it as funny! I thought it was funny! It is a must see even if you don't want to see it in the theater you should see it when it comes out on video. The kids like it and I liked the humor. Thanks to my friend Kara we had an early dinner at Applebee's and played eye spy and visited. It was a nice day with just the family.

Yesterday I went in and had a procret shot(red blood cell count) it helps with my energy level. I wasn't getting them because my counts had been up but they are down again so I am back on this shot. While we were there we went and saw Ryan's cousin and his wife they just had their first baby. He was over 8 lbs. It was so different holding him after holding the twins. He is such a chunk compared to them. When we went in Ryan's cousin looked so tired but she informed us he slept great all night. Needless to say she was up all night with the baby who was awake and has his days and night mixed up. She said she tried to wake him but he kept sleeping. I said don't expect anything different when you get home. It is amazing how dad's can sleep through the baby sleeping and as soon as the baby fusses how you are right awake.

Yesterday my mother-in-law had got tickets to the Sonic. A lady she works with her daughter works their and she gave Melanie a ticket for family and friend only night last night. So Melanie called yesterday afternoon and asked if we would like to go with her. Ryan had practice so the kids and I went to dinner with Melanie at the new SONIC. It was a zoo. You wouldn't believe the line. It was in the park next door. They did a nice job with traffic and getting people in and out. We order dinner for all of our family and Melanie for $16. Not Bad. She had a 50% coupon. I have never eaten at a Sonic before my sister Kendall, Bailey and Chauntel who have or are living in bigger cities have eaten at one before and they love their Cherry Lime Aide so we tried those last night. They are good but I am not sure what the hype is all about. I think it is a fun concept the car hop but I think Zipp's has just as good of food. If anyone knows why the Sonic is such a great restaurant they will have to let me in on it. Don't get me wrong it was good.

Well I know not much of a cancer update but this is my week off. I do have blood work on Friday and then I see Doctor or Mitra on Monday morning so I will know what my counts are on Monday. So let's try this again do we have any guesses on the CA 27 28 counts. Don't be afraid high or low let's all take a guess. My guess is 52.

Glad for small blessing!

So on Tuesday I had chemo. It was my short day of chemo. I am only there an hour. Ryan was sick with a temp. So he couldn't go with me. So I went and hang out with the nurses. I don't know if I have already told you this but the nurses, the food and Ryan and of course the nice break are the reasons I love going to get chemo. So even though I am only there an hour I always order lunch. I had the meatball sandwich on Tuesday. Who doens't love Kadlec food. Anyway well I was there on Tuesday right away they came over the load speaker and said there was some sort of emergency in section J. I didn't pay much attention. Then while I was talking to Nancy (nurse) she told me that the emergency was there is no running water. What in a hospital no running water how can that be. I said so we can't use the restroom? She said no you can use the restroom we just have to bag it after you use it. Think about this there are 5 chairs and beds in that one room and patients come and go all day that use this one restroom. It wasn't like having your own room or one maybe you share with one other person. Oh, that sounds like fun. I told her I was so glad that didn't happen last Tuesday when I was hear for chemo I went the restroom I think 5 times. I was glad I was only there and hour and could go home and use the restroom. It also affected the food people could order and all the food came on styrfoom. Anyway this reminded me the no running water of a time when I was in high school and the septic tank at my families home backed up. So we couldn't use the water in our house. We were with out water for a few days. We had to go to my grandparents house and take showers. I might not be remembering it exactly but it was a pain.

Yes, Ryan ended up sick too. Carter and Kamden are still hanging on to their coughs. I have been so blessed to not have gotten sick as much as my family has been sick this winter. The small blessings right well that one to me is a bigger one. It was kinda fun to have him sick we both hang out on the couch watching movies. I didn't feel so good after chemo on Tuesday so it was nice to just hang out on the couch.

I got to do my most favorite thing in the world yesterday I got to pay bills. Oh, how I hate to pay bills. Since Ryan and I have been married this is my job. I love trying to make things balance out. Ryan doesn't like to even know what is going on in this department. I just tell him no spending or o.k. you can spend. It works out because we never fight about money. I know I have been told a few times we should sit down and do it together. That doesn't go over very well. He just likes to make the money and know that we are paying our tithing and paying our bills and that their is still a little play money.

Cole and I decided we needed to work on his scout stuff. We have not been so good since his birthday in September and with me being sick it has been hard to pass things off. So we decided to work on a few things to pass off. So we made oatmeal cookies yesterday for scouts. We had a good time and made a big mess. Cole is my mess maker. He always has a bigger mess under his chair than Kamden or Carter do after eating. Anyway then last night we did a game night with the kids. Again one of Cole's items he needed to pass off for scouts. We played Sorry and Letter Bingo. My kids love to play games as much as Ryan and I love to play games. I love to watch them smile and laugh as we play games together. We usually do this more often but not so much latly. I forgot how much fun we have when we do this together.

So Ryan came up with an idea last night. We have been doing really well reading scriptures together the last couple of years. Some times we go a while with out but for th most part we do really well. Anyway we are going to race Ryan with our reading and see who can finish frist the kids are excited to race their dad. Maybe we can get through it a little faster this way.

Today I have a Dr. Kris appointment. I have a few questions I am hoping he can answer today so I will keep you posted.

Couch Potato!

I was trying to upload some pictures but that isn't working so I will try again later. Am I the only one or does it seem lately that blogger is harder to get into. Most days when I try to get on it takes me a few trys before I can get on. Maybe it is just my computer.

So last Tuesday I had Day 1 of Round 5 of chemo. It was my long day. Of course, Ryan and I played cards and had lunch. I won 1 out of four games. Not bad I won one I can't complain sometimes I win none. Two the people in getting chemo that day, told us it was their last day of chemo they were very excited and this week they have their PET scans. I am a little jealous I wish I was all done and getting my PET scan. I am really excited to see what a PET scan has to say. It will be soon enough I guess.

I think I told you I wasn't feeling so good last week. I think I spent 3 or 4 days mostly on the couch during the day. I don't know if the chemo kept me down more this time or if I was a little sick. Carter was sick for 3 days last week with a 105temp. every time it was time to give him Tylenol. On Friday Ryan finally took Carter to the doctor and got some medicine. He seems to be doing much better no fever. But Friday night Kamden was running a fever for a few days. She doesn't have the cough like Carter does. They both seem to be doing much better and I think maybe I got by with not getting sick or to sick anyway.

Thursday my friend Andrea comes to my house to help me out with the kids. This Thursday she took them back to her house and helped the kids make me a birthday cake and cards for me. It was so cute and they had such a good time and I got a nap. The first one in weeks.

Friday was my birthday I hope that is o.k. to say and not to tacky. Ryan took Kamden on a daddy daughter date last weekend so I was taking Cole on a mommy/son date but Ryan didn't think that was o.k. He thought he should be taking me out. So I called my mom to see if she would babysit and then my mother-in-law called and said she would. So we took Cole to the the movies with us. We were going to do dinner to but I wasn't feeling great so we got fast food and picked up the kids and went home. It is so fun to be able to take just one of the kids with us when we go out and focus on just them and let them do all the talking and not get interrupted. They seem to really love it. Anyway it was a nice birthday. Then on Saturday for my birthday Danielle gave me a surprise birthday party. Wow! I was surprised and it was so fun to see so many friends. Thank you to all who came. And I missed those that weren't able to make it. I told Ryan maybe I should be sick every year. He and I don't really do much for our birthday's so it was fun to do something and have some many friends celebrate with me.

Sunday I had my last shot of nupegeon for the week. I go in today for blood work to make sure I can get chemo tomorrow. I use to worry every time I went in that my numbers what be o.k. now it just seems to be routine. Which is a good thing.

I have felt so good today. So I cleaned out some closets and the refrigerator and did a little cleaning. Don't say any thing. I didn't over do it I just felt good. And after spending some much time on the couch last week the house needed a little TLC.

And the winner is.....

O.k. I started to blog this morning before I went to chemo but then I needed to grocery shop and take the kids over to my moms all before 11 am so I didn't post. Chemo was over at 3:30 or so and then we picked the kids up and then had to head back over the hospital because Ryan forgot some work stuff there. Then Kamden has tap on Tuesdays at 4:30 so we dropped her off there. Then Ryan's brother picked her up so we could come home. I needed to go to bed. We got home just at 5pm. We all had dinner and then the boys headed off to basketball. Basketball started tonight for Cole. Although it was short I guess they had something going on at the school so they couldn't practice. Then shortly after dinner I was a frequent visitor to the bathroom. Not do to the food. It was so good Pam thank you (taco salad). I think it was from the chemo. And now Carter is running a fever. So I am telling you all this because I have been busy and wasn't able to sit down and write to update what my numbers were. SORRY!!! So on with the number it was 62. Mom said I faked everyone out with the way I wrote the blog yesterday. Sorry I was shocked because I thought the numbers would be so much better. But I felt better once I talked with Mitra. So 62 isn't a bad number it is a good number. And the winner is Jessica Thorne I think she guessed 45. So I will send you the $25 gift card to Regal Cinema. I hope you enjoy a good movie. Thanks for playing and again sorry it took so long to update.

Counts

O.k. I will let you know how my appointment went today. I thought I would get a few more people to post today if I did a game with a prize didn't work to well. It was still fun to hear how positive you all were with your numbers.

Well we went in to the appointment and the nurse asked if I had current blood work done and I said yes did they not send it over. She said oh well just your CA counts but not all your blood work I will look around. So I asked if she could let me know what my CA counts was. She told me what my counts where and I will say this I was shocked! So we then waited about 30 minutes for Mitra to find out more about my counts. When she came in we talked about my counts. This is what she had to say about CA 2728 counts. She said they give you normal range which is 0 to 40. Now 0 doesn't mean no cancer. 40 could mean no cancer or 55 could mean no cancer. She said they took a bunch of people with out cancer and tested them and their levels ranged from 0 to 40. Mitra said she has only seen 1 person with a zero count. She said she has seen people with a 50 range as their normal. She said she has had doctors send her patient with a 50 range count and thought they had cancer and they test them and they had no cancer. So she said we don't know what your normal is it could be 50 range or it could be in the teens. She said I will have two more rounds of chemo and then have a PET scan to see how much active cancer is left in my body and decide where to go from there. We talked about that I would have no mastectomy. Then we talked about radiation and surgery of my liver if there is still cancer on my liver and possibly my bones. She said my numbers look so unbelievable and that things are going so well. It really couldn't be going any better. So it is a waiting game again until I have my PET Scan sometime in the middle of February. O.k. I wanted to wait until at least tomorrow to give my counts so a few more people can weigh in on the guessing. Then I will let you know who the winner is.

CA 2728 counts guessing GAME!

On Friday my sister Jillian came home from Florida. She has been working in Disney World on her semester off from BYUI. Our family went over on Friday night to see her. My mom had a pizza party for her return. It was nice to see her again. She showed us all the things she bought while she was there and we saw a few pictures. She has a blog so we stayed somewhat updated. I have to say she wasn't the best about updating us. But we did get some updates and lots of fun pictures. She was so busy having fun she forgot to register for this semester of school. So she wont be leaving for BYI until April. So she gets to stay home and help Kendall and I we hope. It will be nice to have her here for awhile before she leaves again.

Saturday my mom was so kind and came over and cleaned my bathrooms and floors. It is nice to have a clean house again for a few days. Karen thanks for the offer to come clean but mom beat you too it this time. I just might take you up on that offer in a little while. We had the missionaries over for take out Chinese. I hope they didn't mind but I haven't done any cooking in a while and wasn't up for it on Saturday. I have to say it has been a little while since we have had the missionaries over it was so fun. We have two really good missionaries with strong testimonies. It was nice to visit with them and hear their testimonies.

Carter woke Ryan and I up Sunday morning with a bark of a cough. He sound awful! He doesn't act sick or sound sick but when he coughs he sound not so good. So we sent Ryan home with him after sacrament. We figured the nursery didn't need any more germs. Carter and I got to take a couple hour nap. That is the nicest thing about having 9am church. I love it. We were able to go to my parents house for our traditional family Sunday dinner it is nice to have more family at the table. Of course not as many as last Sunday but still more and it was nice. We are going to start having family homevening with everyone when we go over for dinner. Cole did family home evening last night. He did a nice job on teaching us about testimonies.

O.k. as most of you know I have a doctors appointment this morning with Dr. Rado. So I will find out my blood test results. Which they will let me know my CA 2728 counts the cancer marker number. So we are hoping for a low number. Remember we want it to be lower then 40. My last blood test before this last round of chemo was 78. Any way I thought we would play a game. Guess the CA 2728 count number. The person closes to the number will win a prize. I am not sure what yet I will have to see. Yes, I have been on a few blog who have done raffles and didn't things to win a prize and I though how fun. So we are going to give it a try. So all you have to do is leave a comment with what you think my counts will be at. I wont give you they counts for a day or two to give you all a chance to post what you think. Then I will let you know who won.

Dr. Krist Update!

Things have still been to busy around our house. They seem to be settling down a little. So I thought I would take a minute and update. Last Saturday was a busy and fun filled day. Ryan and I got all of our Christmas things taken down and put away. Then we went over to my moms house and all the girls watched the kids while the boys went out and shot some guns for a couple of hours. When they got back the girls went shopping with no kids. That was so fun to have just the sister and my mom. Most of us don't usually go shopping without our kids so it was a nice treat. Then we went out to dinner. While we were out shopping the boys didn't lack in the excitement either they played my brother in laws new Wii and rent a fight to watch. So I am sure you are wondering who was watching the kids with all that excitement that would be the men or boys. They claim to have been watching them. Since no one was hurt or injured I am sure they were.j/k They did a great job and even had the house cleaned when we came home. What nice husbands we have!

Sunday we all went to the 1st ward over in Kennewick for my sister Kendall. She had the twins blessed. It was fun to all go to church in the ward we grow up in. Even though it has changed a lot over the years. It was still fun to see so many friendly faces. We then all had a Sunday family dinner like always just with a lot more family. That was really fun. It would be nice to do that every Sunday but I will settle for once every two years. That is more than some.

Monday we spent most of the day running round. We had a few friends over and played some games. I stayed up to late and payed for it the next day. I was so tired on Tuesday I had to take a good long nap. We also were able to go see a movie. We went and saw Sea Horse I think that is what it is called the one about the Lochness(sp) Monster? Anyway it was a really good movie I thought. The kids enjoyed it well Kamden and Cole enjoyed it. Carter had a nice nap during the movie.

Wednesday I was able to take a short nap. I am still trying to play catch up on the rest and naps. I don't think I have done a very good job because yesterday I went to see Dr. Kris and he told me I need to do lots more resting.

The visit went well. Dr. Kris adjusted my back again it was out again. I have been getting headaches and pains in my back for about a week and a half. So it was nice to be adjusted. We also went over my CA counts and that they were at 78 at my last blood draw and that is good news. He then out of the blue asked how I was sleeping. I said not so well the last 1 or 2. I have been tossing and turning all night. We figured out that I am feeling guilt about not doing enough and that I have been trying to keep up with everything house, family, activities. He reminded me that I still have cancer and that I need to rest so that my body can continue to fight the cancer. I told him I forget and I feel better so I do and do. He reminded me that this is a critical time and that I need to do more resting. He also found some swollen lymph nodes in my neck. He tested them and we think it is infection from being to run down. He ordered lots of rest and relaxation. Can I just say that, that was very hard to hear and often hard to remember. So I am trying to take more time to rest and do less around the house for a while. He said to leave the dust bunnies alone and be the miracle. Again very hard to hear. So I am hoping that the blood test I take today has good news and I didn't set myself back. Remember if my counts are below 40 I only have two more rounds of chemo. That means I will be done in February. Yeah!! That is my goal to be done with chemo in February. Again I was reminded that recover is two weeks for every one week of chemo. That is a hard concept. I feel like once chemo is over life will be back to normal. I guess there is still other things to do along the way of this journey. But I am still very excited about the 78 and very sure that my counts are down below 40 this time. Things are going so well their is no complaining. Just trying to remember to take care of myself. That is a lesson I am trying to learn.

I have stopped to think about New Years Resolutions. I am not much for New Years Resolution. I like the idea of setting goals. I just have a hard time with the follow though. Each time I reset my goals or a goal I have hope that I will follow through. I have found that smaller goals or easier to follow through with. So maybe the key this year is lots of small goals to get to the big goal. We will see and I am writing them down this year maybe that will also help me to be more accountable. I hope every one's goal setting is going well so far this year.