Good New Bad News

Well some of you have heard the news and some haven't. I wanted to let a few close friends know the news before I posted it on the blog. That is why it has taken a little while to post.

I have Brain Cancer. I was up all night Friday night thinking about what I wanted to say on the blog. I felt like I had come up with all the right things to write but of course I didn't get out of bed and type. I didn't want to wake up Ryan. So I hope I can remember all I really wanted to say. I know I can remember all the details about the last week or so but there are other things I wanted to say. So we will see how this goes.

Last Thursday I went in for my IV drugs Herceptin and Zometa. I have been getting Herceptin along with all the chemo treatments and will continue to get it every two weeks. They said I could have side effects with it but I haven't seemed to have any. I have only had two treatments of the Zometa. The first time I had it I had flu like symptoms and a sore on my lip that hasn't gone away in a month. So when I went in a week ago Thursday it was my second treatment of Zometa. I was hoping for no flu like systems or any new systems. Thursday things went well no side affects. Other than tired from the Benadryl which was normal. By Friday morning I woke up and didn't feel great. The only way I could think to describe it at the time was like I had been hit by a truck. The more I thought about how I felt I could put it in better words. I had nausea, dizzy and like my head was been squeezed. Anyway every morning since last Friday up until this Thursday that is how I felt. It would take a few hours in the morning to get going and shake off those feelings. But once I was up and going I was fine. I thought maybe my neck was out again and that was causing the pain and other systems. So I was really more or less waiting to see Dr. Kris and see what he thought.

So on Thursday Ryan took me down to see Dr. Kris. He gave me the great news that there was nothing in my C5. The MRI scan come back clean. That was great news. I thought that meant I was officially Cancer free. I also told him about the sore on my mouth which he checked out and treated. I would like to say that after a month of that ugly sore it was gone the next day. He said it was from the toxins in my body. I also told him I thought my neck was out. So he adjusted my back that was really out but he said that my neck and head were not really out. I thought that was a little strange because how I had been feeling. But I trust him. So he checked to make sure that my body at this time is able to fight any cancer and it is. He also added a new powder medicine to my daily pill taking. This one will go with the Herceptin I am taking and maybe eventually it will be able to get replace the Herceptin.

After I left the Dr.'s I slept most of the rest of the day. I still am not feeling well thinking my neck was out. Oh, yes Dr. Kris thought that maybe the systems were from the Zometa. On Thursday night all the sudden my head was hurting worse lots of pressure and like my brain was floating in side and waves of pain from the back of my head to the front. I was also dizzy and had nausea. I didn't sleep well on Thursday night. So Friday morning I asked Ryan when he was going to be home to give me a blessing. He said he would be home around 12 we were suppose to go camping. Anyway that is when I decided I needed a blessing. Ryan ended up having to work longer than he thought and after talking to him and a friend. I decided I needed to call the nurses at the hospital and see what they thought. They thought I needed to call the Dr.'s office. So I called and talked with the nurse. She said it is just a migraine and she would order me some pain medicine but that she would also talk to the Dr. and get back to me. So two hours later she said she had called in the pain medicine but that the Dr. also thought I needed to go in for an MRI. She said she would call the orders over. That I should wait a bit and then call over and schedule the appointment. So I called over and they told me they had talked with their supervisor and they didn't have an appointments until next week on Tuesday. I wasn't sure what to say. Then she told me to try calling another hospitals to schedule one. So I got off the phone with her and was going to call the Dr when my sister walked in to take the kids. She hadn't called just showed up and thought I might like some help. That is when the hospital called and said someone didn't show if I wanted to come now I could. Kendall loaded up all the kids and drove me over to the hospital. I thought I was going to be able to go right back. Since they had the orders and told me to come right in. But when I got there they had me fill out a bunch of paper work. I thought that was funny because I am already an out patient there what papers do I need to fill out. Oh, maybe I should say how many more could I fill out. Anyway they finally got me back for the MRI. They did the scan and then had me sit in the room and wait. That was unusual because when I have had them before they send me right home and say the Dr. will let me know the result. They kept coming in and saying they have a call into the doctor so it will be a few minutes. I had them check the waiting room. Ryan had showed up and so they brought him back with me. Then this guy came in with his cell phone and hands it to me. It was Diana she is from Dr. Rado's office she is on call for him he and Mitra are on vacation. Surprise Surprise. Every time I have something wrong or have to go the hospital they are gone. I have decided he is not allowed to take vacation every again. Just kidding. Anyway she was talking to me and tells me what they found but not making much since to me. So I finally said are you telling me I have cancer again in my head. She said yes. I don't think she wanted to tell me. I don't think the hospital wanted to either.

So when I got off the phone with her this Dr. guy asked me if I understood what was wrong and what was going to happen. He took some time to go over everything with us. He was so nice and happy and upbeat just what I needed. I am not dieing nor am I dead. The last thing I need is to be treated that way.

So he said they went back and checked all the MRI's, CT scans and PET scans to see if they could have caught this earlier. He said they couldn't have. There was some white right by where the scans stooped but it just looked like bone. Now that they have a head scan they can tell it is something else but there was no indication from the other scans that would have lead them to think that the little white spot was anything but my bone.

He also went over what he thought they would do. He thinks the surgery should be an easy one. It is in a good location to operate and shouldn't be a difficult surgery. He also said it is encapsulated so it is not spreading, growing but not spreading. That is great news. The fact that it is in a good location is good news. He also said he doesn't recommend radiation for that location because it is to close to the brain. He also doesn't think I will need chemo. So all in all I think it was great news. Of course he is not my doctors so we will have to see what they say.

Diana said Monday morning she will start making phone calls to get me set up with the Dr.'s I needed to see to make some decisions. So at this point I don't know for sure what we are doing or what they are going to do or when I will see any Dr.'s.

Right now they have me on a steroid for the swelling on the brain. They also have me on an antacid for my stomach she said the steroid can be hard on my stomach. They also have me on pain medicine and Kytril for the nausea. She felt it was o.k. to send me home and I would be fine until this next week when I could get in to see some doctors.

So we will see what next week brings.

I want to tell you please don't treat me like I am dead or dieing I am not. I feel good and this is just another trial that I will learn from. I love to visit with people so please feel free to talk to me and ask what ever you feel like. Also I would like you to know I have a life and kids and they keep me busy just like every other mom. I am always up for talking about them and what is going on in our busy life if you don't want to ask or talk about the cancer.

I also want everyone to know how truly blessed I have been in the last couple of days. Well all the time but I have seen and know that my Heavenly Father loves me and is taking good care of me. Most cancer patient don't have any systems and don't find out about their cancer until it is to late. I had systems and they weren't bad enough for me to do anything. I didn't like the pain I was in on Thursday and Friday but I am glad I had it or I wouldn't have called anyone. I am blessed that my sister showed up when she did. Any earlier and I would have sent her away. I was blessed that someone didn't show for there appointment. I was blessed that they found it. I was blessed to have Diana there to say she needs an MRI and not just pain medicine. I was blessed to have a smiling happy man give me the news and go over it with us. He was so good. When we went home I felt and knew my Heavenly Father was taking care of me. I also want you know that I am thankful for my trails and that I can learn and grow and be strengthen through these trails that I have had. I know my Heavenly Father love me so much he has given these to me to help me become a better and stronger and more faithful person.

Sorry it was a long post. I hope it wasn't overly informative. I know that not everyone that reads this is a member of the chuerch but I had to let you know how I feel about what is happening to me.