Sunday, June 29, 2008

Good New Bad News

Well some of you have heard the news and some haven't. I wanted to let a few close friends know the news before I posted it on the blog. That is why it has taken a little while to post.

I have Brain Cancer. I was up all night Friday night thinking about what I wanted to say on the blog. I felt like I had come up with all the right things to write but of course I didn't get out of bed and type. I didn't want to wake up Ryan. So I hope I can remember all I really wanted to say. I know I can remember all the details about the last week or so but there are other things I wanted to say. So we will see how this goes.

Last Thursday I went in for my IV drugs Herceptin and Zometa. I have been getting Herceptin along with all the chemo treatments and will continue to get it every two weeks. They said I could have side effects with it but I haven't seemed to have any. I have only had two treatments of the Zometa. The first time I had it I had flu like symptoms and a sore on my lip that hasn't gone away in a month. So when I went in a week ago Thursday it was my second treatment of Zometa. I was hoping for no flu like systems or any new systems. Thursday things went well no side affects. Other than tired from the Benadryl which was normal. By Friday morning I woke up and didn't feel great. The only way I could think to describe it at the time was like I had been hit by a truck. The more I thought about how I felt I could put it in better words. I had nausea, dizzy and like my head was been squeezed. Anyway every morning since last Friday up until this Thursday that is how I felt. It would take a few hours in the morning to get going and shake off those feelings. But once I was up and going I was fine. I thought maybe my neck was out again and that was causing the pain and other systems. So I was really more or less waiting to see Dr. Kris and see what he thought.

So on Thursday Ryan took me down to see Dr. Kris. He gave me the great news that there was nothing in my C5. The MRI scan come back clean. That was great news. I thought that meant I was officially Cancer free. I also told him about the sore on my mouth which he checked out and treated. I would like to say that after a month of that ugly sore it was gone the next day. He said it was from the toxins in my body. I also told him I thought my neck was out. So he adjusted my back that was really out but he said that my neck and head were not really out. I thought that was a little strange because how I had been feeling. But I trust him. So he checked to make sure that my body at this time is able to fight any cancer and it is. He also added a new powder medicine to my daily pill taking. This one will go with the Herceptin I am taking and maybe eventually it will be able to get replace the Herceptin.

After I left the Dr.'s I slept most of the rest of the day. I still am not feeling well thinking my neck was out. Oh, yes Dr. Kris thought that maybe the systems were from the Zometa. On Thursday night all the sudden my head was hurting worse lots of pressure and like my brain was floating in side and waves of pain from the back of my head to the front. I was also dizzy and had nausea. I didn't sleep well on Thursday night. So Friday morning I asked Ryan when he was going to be home to give me a blessing. He said he would be home around 12 we were suppose to go camping. Anyway that is when I decided I needed a blessing. Ryan ended up having to work longer than he thought and after talking to him and a friend. I decided I needed to call the nurses at the hospital and see what they thought. They thought I needed to call the Dr.'s office. So I called and talked with the nurse. She said it is just a migraine and she would order me some pain medicine but that she would also talk to the Dr. and get back to me. So two hours later she said she had called in the pain medicine but that the Dr. also thought I needed to go in for an MRI. She said she would call the orders over. That I should wait a bit and then call over and schedule the appointment. So I called over and they told me they had talked with their supervisor and they didn't have an appointments until next week on Tuesday. I wasn't sure what to say. Then she told me to try calling another hospitals to schedule one. So I got off the phone with her and was going to call the Dr when my sister walked in to take the kids. She hadn't called just showed up and thought I might like some help. That is when the hospital called and said someone didn't show if I wanted to come now I could. Kendall loaded up all the kids and drove me over to the hospital. I thought I was going to be able to go right back. Since they had the orders and told me to come right in. But when I got there they had me fill out a bunch of paper work. I thought that was funny because I am already an out patient there what papers do I need to fill out. Oh, maybe I should say how many more could I fill out. Anyway they finally got me back for the MRI. They did the scan and then had me sit in the room and wait. That was unusual because when I have had them before they send me right home and say the Dr. will let me know the result. They kept coming in and saying they have a call into the doctor so it will be a few minutes. I had them check the waiting room. Ryan had showed up and so they brought him back with me. Then this guy came in with his cell phone and hands it to me. It was Diana she is from Dr. Rado's office she is on call for him he and Mitra are on vacation. Surprise Surprise. Every time I have something wrong or have to go the hospital they are gone. I have decided he is not allowed to take vacation every again. Just kidding. Anyway she was talking to me and tells me what they found but not making much since to me. So I finally said are you telling me I have cancer again in my head. She said yes. I don't think she wanted to tell me. I don't think the hospital wanted to either.

So when I got off the phone with her this Dr. guy asked me if I understood what was wrong and what was going to happen. He took some time to go over everything with us. He was so nice and happy and upbeat just what I needed. I am not dieing nor am I dead. The last thing I need is to be treated that way.

So he said they went back and checked all the MRI's, CT scans and PET scans to see if they could have caught this earlier. He said they couldn't have. There was some white right by where the scans stooped but it just looked like bone. Now that they have a head scan they can tell it is something else but there was no indication from the other scans that would have lead them to think that the little white spot was anything but my bone.

He also went over what he thought they would do. He thinks the surgery should be an easy one. It is in a good location to operate and shouldn't be a difficult surgery. He also said it is encapsulated so it is not spreading, growing but not spreading. That is great news. The fact that it is in a good location is good news. He also said he doesn't recommend radiation for that location because it is to close to the brain. He also doesn't think I will need chemo. So all in all I think it was great news. Of course he is not my doctors so we will have to see what they say.

Diana said Monday morning she will start making phone calls to get me set up with the Dr.'s I needed to see to make some decisions. So at this point I don't know for sure what we are doing or what they are going to do or when I will see any Dr.'s.

Right now they have me on a steroid for the swelling on the brain. They also have me on an antacid for my stomach she said the steroid can be hard on my stomach. They also have me on pain medicine and Kytril for the nausea. She felt it was o.k. to send me home and I would be fine until this next week when I could get in to see some doctors.

So we will see what next week brings.

I want to tell you please don't treat me like I am dead or dieing I am not. I feel good and this is just another trial that I will learn from. I love to visit with people so please feel free to talk to me and ask what ever you feel like. Also I would like you to know I have a life and kids and they keep me busy just like every other mom. I am always up for talking about them and what is going on in our busy life if you don't want to ask or talk about the cancer.

I also want everyone to know how truly blessed I have been in the last couple of days. Well all the time but I have seen and know that my Heavenly Father loves me and is taking good care of me. Most cancer patient don't have any systems and don't find out about their cancer until it is to late. I had systems and they weren't bad enough for me to do anything. I didn't like the pain I was in on Thursday and Friday but I am glad I had it or I wouldn't have called anyone. I am blessed that my sister showed up when she did. Any earlier and I would have sent her away. I was blessed that someone didn't show for there appointment. I was blessed that they found it. I was blessed to have Diana there to say she needs an MRI and not just pain medicine. I was blessed to have a smiling happy man give me the news and go over it with us. He was so good. When we went home I felt and knew my Heavenly Father was taking care of me. I also want you know that I am thankful for my trails and that I can learn and grow and be strengthen through these trails that I have had. I know my Heavenly Father love me so much he has given these to me to help me become a better and stronger and more faithful person.

Sorry it was a long post. I hope it wasn't overly informative. I know that not everyone that reads this is a member of the chuerch but I had to let you know how I feel about what is happening to me.


Ms. Kristen said...

Wow! I am glad you are sharing your exact feelings! That's what people should do! Heavenly Father does bless all of His Children! Especially those in need! I am grateful for your example to me of your upbeat attitude! You are wonderful and an amazing mother and women!

Em & M's said...

I don't often comment, but I wanted to say I was so sad to hear this news. However, I'm so glad you posted more detail so we know exactly what's going on. I'm glad you have such a positive outlook. You really are a fighter and I'm sure you will make it through this trial as well. You're an inspiration and many people are praying for you, including us. By the way, you're kids are so cute! Looks like they've been having fun.

Angela said...

I'm in agreement with Em & M. I'm glad you gave more detail. I'm also impressed and grateful for your specifically saying "don't treat me like I'm dead or dying." I guess it just shows that you're still fighting. And our prayers are still with you and your family.

Pam Anderson said...

I appreciate you calling me. I have been thinking about you all day and when I went to the temple last night I put your name on the prayer roll. I have freed up my week so I can help out this week. I will be sad if you don't call me. Pam Anderson

Sara said...


I am so sad to hear this news, however your attitude and spirit radiate to anyone who knows you, it tells of a wonderful plan and of a Heavenly Father who knows us and loves us. I am so glad that you are feeling better and I hope the next week brings relief from the pain and dizziness. I love you and you are in my thoughts and prayers.

rip said...

Your attitude is inspiring. You really do have a blessed life. You have three wonderful kids, A great husband and a faith that uplifts and sustains you. Thank you for sharing your testimony.

You are very much alive!

Cherie said...

Hi Rochelle,
Man, it has been a while since I commented because I always tell myself, "don't leave a comment, just give her a call and talk to her." I want you to know that Dave and I are thinking of you and praying for you and your family. Stay strong (I know you will) and know that you are loved by many including your Heavenly Father! We love you and will be in touch to see if we can help out in any way!

lindsay>boo said...

Oh, Rochelle, you've been on my mind all weekend! Thanks so much for sharing this with everyone. I'm glad to know the details.

I just want you to know how amazing I think you are. While you've been going through this trial, you've been such an example to me. Truly, you've made me such a believer that miracles can happen if you have faith.

You are going to get through this. I just know it. You'll be back to doing all the things you love soon. Meanwhile, you and your family are in our family's thoughts and prayers.

PRP said...

You are a rock star, plain and simple. I am so in awe of your unshakable faith and find myself thinking once again that this trial was given to you because Heavenly Father knew how much you could teach the rest of us. And I have learned a ton.

You are a fighter and this is just another fight you will get through. I have no doubt about that.

And by the way, Austin is wrapped up in the blanket you made him! You are amazing!

Our prayers are with you.

Bryn & Blaine said...

I too do not know why God gives us the trials that he does but I know that it truly does make us better people and sometimes it is more for the people around us than for us ouselves. I am grateful for you comments and truly felt of your spirit. I think and pray for you often. Your kids are so lucky to have a mother like you.
Bryn Wintrode

Jodi said...

Rochelle, I was so sorry to hear this news. It sucks that you have to go through this again. But I have to say you are totally AMAZING and can handle anything that comes your way. Your positive attitude is truly inspiring. And I love that you were so open with your post. "You ROCK" - as my boys would say! Jodi

hatch said...

You are one tough girl and a true inspriation to all of us. Your attitude and stong will has carried you far. Your faith has and will carry you even more. Thank-you for the wonderful example you are to me. As always I hope you know I am always available to help with anything you may need. You will overcome this trial and be even stronger!


tharker said...

I LOVE that you said that you are not dying and you're not dead, so don't treat you like it! You are AWESOME Rochelle! Your fighting spirit and your faith is such an example to me. Keep fighting and know that SO many people are praying for you and pulling for you.

debsters said...

Thank you so much for sharing every detail. When I read your thoughts, feelings and testimony I don't feel sad, I feel inspired. I a so sorry this is a trial you must face, but you are just amazing and I know that others reading your words will see you as an example of how to exercise faith. I so appreciated what you said about a happy, smiling man sharing the news with you. You are the true meaning of the word fighter.

Heather said...

Ok, stop putting your house up for sale... maybe that will stop the insanity!

We love you!

heather beck

meohmyers said...

You've been on my mind since I heard about this on Saturday. I appreciate all the details you provide on your blog so we can know exactly what's going on without bothering you if you're trying to squeeze a nap in or something. If anyone can beat brain cancer after beating breast cancer, it's YOU!!! I love your positive outlook and your faith to be healed. Please know our thoughts and prayers are with you and your doctors. Keep on keepin' on! We love you!

Anonymous said...

Well I just love you MORE than ever. Your faith has really helped you rise to this new challenge. Your friends and wonderful family are all behind you. Just keep moving forward and looking upward. You are teaching so much to your children and us all about what really matters.
Teacher Kathy

Anonymous said...

I'm praying for you Rochelle.

Andrea Hayes

Anonymous said...

Ok Rochelle......Does this mean I get to come over and mow your yard????? (inside joke)

And by the way does anyone in your family have any food allergies? I was just wondering.........

Talk to you all soon!!! Keep smiling and hanging in there.

Dale & Heidi Wilson

Erica said...

This is Erica Thurston,from highschool. I hope you don't mind but your blog was passed onto me not long ago and I have neglected to post a comment hoping it wouldn't appear too impersonal after all this time... I just wanted to tell you that I am honestly awe-inspired by you and your attitude towards life and the challenges we are asked to face. Your family is beautiful and I wish you all the best!